Asking someone their name for the third time, waving at people you met once, dancing far away from home with people you’ll watch a movie with later, and knowing that stories always come to an end.
Light brown eyes with long eyelashes, eyebrow piercings and feeling like you can talk for hours and hours. A laugh that is uncontrollable and seems like it will never end, like we never grew up. Putting people in boxes and watching as they rip them apart every time you think of a new question to ask. Do we ever really forget our pasts?
Old loves and friendships that never break your heart. Learning how to cry with someone, being alone but forgetting what it meant to be lonely. A knock on your door when it’s dark because they want you to go with them. An invite in your email with a pun that’s not funny, but it reminds you of your dad that is oh so far away. Even the goodbyes I said so long ago linger in footprints my shoes leave in snow that I’ll never be familiar with.
I miss the sun but somehow there is warmth in the icicles on the cold building I now call home. New things make me happy and old things continue to scare me, does my future love me the way I thought you did? Hope never dies but I wait for ‘see you later’s’ and I stutter as I see myself waving goodbye in your eyes when I look into them a little too long.
Inside jokes and late nights where not a single lecture is studied. Readings and exams that we’ll soon forget about because we finally said how much we loved each other. A chocolate bar left on my door because I mentioned it once. Sitting on a carpet where my hair makes spirals to take us somewhere far away, we are going to be together forever.
Talking to God and hoping that miracles are real. Knowing the universe laughs at me as I look for you during my shift. I hope he knows my name because I know his. Growing up together and learning more and more because we never stop changing. You never meet the same person twice. I didn’t know you were an anxious person, you are so confident.
My friend that taught me new ways to use my words. I hope I can visit his home and see what his words feel like. Borders that will never let that happen. Girls that never make me doubt how loved I am. Birthdays I’ll never forget and a note under my doorstep that made me cry but not enough to say goodbye. Goodbyes are for later.
Sleeping to stop thinking and waking up with thoughts that never take me seriously. I wonder if I’ll always feel so much, too much.
Grateful because it means I will miss them.
I miss you so so much.
Goodbyes are for later, so a goodbye to goodbyes until I remember once again.
Stories always come to an end.