The tap is running
and I have forgotten why I turned it on
which is how most things begin
the water and the forgetting
at the same time
in the same kitchen
I forgive the water
the way you forgive anything
that leaves slowly enough
to call it weather
There’s a man in the market
who sells peaches to people
who will eat them over sinks
leaning forward like a confession
and his name sounds like mine
if you said it with your mouth full
which is the only honest way
to say anything
which is why I say almost nothing
which is why the tap is still running
My hands smell of cumin and Fairy Liquid
I am scrubbing the chopping board
as if it owes me something
and outside the rain is doing that thing
where it falls sideways into the kitchen
and you can’t tell
if it’s coming in
or going out
I think the rain has been
in more of my rooms than I have
If you press a bruise
it tells you exactly when it happened
If you press harder it tells you why
The body is the only honest archive
everything else
is just furniture we keep moving
into smaller and smaller rooms
until the room is the size of a mouth
and the mouth is full
and the word won’t come
I keep opening doors
in the conditional tense
where the room exists
but nobody’s furnished it yet
and the light comes in
at an angle that means
the last time someone said something
and meant the opposite
and I stood there
the way the tap stands there
open
for no good reason
What does it feel like
to be a flavour nobody has a word for
Like the weight between the glass
and the table
that fraction where it’s held
and not yet resting
the moment before permanence
which is the only permanence
I have ever trusted
If I could make a mistake slowly enough
it would look like ice
on a window I don’t intend to open
and I would leave it there
and tell people it was decoration
Winter is ending
not because of the sun
but because I’ve decided it has
the way you decide a song is over
before the song is over
and take off the headphones
and the room is quieter
than you were ready for
And the tap is still running
and the peach will bruise
exactly where I held it
which is to say
everywhere
which is to say
correctly
And the water is still leaving
and I am still here
scrubbing the board with both hands
as if clean
were a place
you could get to