I will follow ladybugs home

'Pozer' the yellow spray paint screams at me.
A little six spot ladybug crawls across the floor.
They’re leading me home.
The next one is crushed on the path and I regret not picking up the first,
The third is balanced on a bench.
Cold sunlight filters through turning trees
That glance over shoulders as I pass.
A man flows like water and when I stop to ask,
He smiles like an old lady in a movie and says “Tai chi.”
Across from us, a group play football,
and I wish I was better, so I could
Pick up grass stains and share a pint.
Four girls scrunch up on a single bench beside me
As I photosynthesize the warmth I did not know I craved.
Laughter seeps through my skin,
And once more I send a message home.
Every day is a lesson in layering,
Solo dinners, food half-baked like my idea of the meal, and footsteps.
The sun is hiding, another day, another spotted bug.
As it toddles away from my hand on the blotchy leaf,
I wonder if you watched me like this.
Saw wavering steps, and knew there was no more you could do.
Old photos on short bus rides,
Pub nights better than an empty room,
I miss knowing people like I’m living under their skin,
But the price of opportunity is the echo of my footfalls towards it,
And the sound of proud smiles I no longer see.
I wish Michelangelo pulled the strings of my hands,
So, I could carve the lines by your eyes to my heart,
But instead, I will follow ladybugs home,
and dream of the ones that danced through strawberries, mango trees and lavender.